Dear Baby Daddy

To My Baby Dad

If I messaged you 9 days ago, and we already discussed or argued about it DO NOT decide to send me another mean email 9 days later.

You have lied about me and our son and the situation in regards to our son. I am done defending the truth. If your mom, sisters, brothers and friends in TX want to believe you and totally neglect my son that’s on you!

Let’s be honest! I have never tried to sleep with you since we broke up. I don’t use my son against you, those are things you lie about. Every year you came back to Canada you tried to have sex with me and used my son to try and do so. You didn’t make time for him on any other occasion unless you wanted something from me.

Yes I know you ex-wife who seems to think her opinion matters in regards to my son has many more lies. Like pretending I would message her, Nah that was her wanting to know about you and who you were with. I even have the message still from her telling me you were having another boy and ours wasn’t even a month old. Yes she can say I looked her up and knew you were married but you and I know that isn’t true. I had no idea until she posted on an anonymous blog that you were married and that was long after I had visited you in Texas and stayed at your apartment multiple times. If you were still married where was she? Don’t married people live together? Remember how many times I felt bad for her and gave you privacy to talk because you said she was bi-polar and having a hard time, remember how I respected that. Now she calls me old, ugly, fat and gummy, a bad mother and a druggie she even calls me an alcoholic.

Your girlfriend seems to love to blame me for everything because heaven forbid she look at the damn truth! Seriously how many times have you cheated and lied to her? How many times do you say they are lying and that it’s me or someone I know? Why don’t you tell her the truth and that I have no idea who these girls are and that I have nothing to do with you constantly cheating? Why don’t you tell her the truth about how you lived with me?  Tell her about our trip when she moved to Texas and you were away with me on a mini vacation, you weren’t even there when she moved in but somehow I am the one lying. Or lets tell people how you lied saying I was stalking you and her and that you guys were scared for your lives when it was her  stalking me, and messaging me. Hence why the judge called your claim ridiculous and awarded me court costs.  Should we talk about how she called my home and talked to my daughter who told her the truth and then she called my daughter a liar, a child! How dare she?

Honestly all you have done is hurt and disappoint my son. You never paid a dime in child support until I filed court papers, and even then you fought me for 15 months not wanting to pay. Claiming you had nothing yet taking family vacations. You don’t pay child support, or your share of the child care costs. You aren’t there when Kaden is sick. The one time I did allow you to come to the hospital your girlfriend took to social media calling me a bad mom, because my son fell and hit his head. Again another situation YOU lied about. At the end of the day you guys can lie and slander my name all you want it’s been 4 years now, I am use to it.

Where were you when you promised to call Kaden? What was so important that you would tell Kaden you would face time him and then didn’t. Why do you tell him you will see him and then stand him up? These are the real issues that I have to deal with, ones that have lasting effects.

Do you know 2 nights ago he asked me who his Dad was? “Why don’t Daddy see me?” “Is he dead?”  This all from a three year old. You have no idea what you have done and keep doing  to him and my other 2 kids.

Next time you want to send me a message about stopping the BS when I haven’t even contacted you please think about your actions and the damage of all your lies!

Please leave us alone! You don’t contact Kaden, pay anything for Kaden and what has been paid in child support was only because your wages were garnished.  If you can’t be honest at least keep our names out of your mouth, and for the LOVE of God stop lying about your son and I and the situation!

 

In Kind Regards,

The Mother of your son!

Bitter Sweet Good Bye RoadHouse

It's crazy to think 12 years ago on the opening night the owner of the Roadhouse was standing outside flagging people down to come inside his bar. My girls and I were some of the few people he dragged in. It's 12 years later and the Roadhouse is closing. 

Let me take you on a small part of my Roadhouse journey...

To me the Roadhouse means family, security, fun, and good friends, and dancing, For real!!

Ha, it's the first and only bar I was kicked out of for fighting, lol even tho I warned you Brad Chown and brought you into the bathroom so I wouldn't fight... I still love you!

I never requested a song because the DJ always played everything I loved... Thank you! 

It's where I learned about 2 sided tape for bras, thank you Casey! ❤️ But I still am pouting over all the shots on my 30th birthday... Barf

It's the one place I almost got arrested for the first time because my ex and I hot boxed my car after a Trailer Park Boys thing at Cowboys. 

Man, I will miss the pizza. 

It's where I met Jordan, Jimmy and Al at the back bar, and I never had to wait for a drink... Best bartenders EVER! 

It was guys like Brad, Mike and Baker that made you feel safe because no matter how much you drank they always made sure the drunk guy hitting on you didn't leave with you... a million times over Thank You! 

How JR made sure I got in with no trouble and no line, no matter what. 

It's meeting Nick Ring, there in a middle of a snow storm and having the best time. Thanks Nick, Brad and Baker for that night. 

But honestly the Roadhouse gave me Mike L, my brother. See in 2008 after the Calgary Stampeders won the grey cup, lol which I had no idea so Mike wasnt a big deal to me as I didn't know who he was. But anyway he played for the Stampeders and was at the Roadhouse, at the end of the night I went to buy a slice of pizza and some jerk (Mike) bought the whole box, not one slice, or two or three the whole damn thing. Dang I was hot. I leave and walk outside and some guy was getting in a cab with the whole box, man I ran to that cab like OJ at the airport. I didn't ask for a slice a pizza I just took one. If you know Mike you could picture his face and hear the ... 'Hey' dude you took the whole box I just want one slice. 

6 years later he's my brother, my best friend! ( Even calls my mom, Mom and she's in Ontario)

So Roadhouse tonight is a bitter sweet good bye. I didn't know how many memories I had til I went there tonigh to say good bye and saw so many amazing people who will forever be friends or family...

With a smile and love I say goodbye! ❤️😘 XO

Another day down :)

Day 2 … Look at me go!

 

I know, I know it is only 11:40 in the morning but I am pretty proud of myself. Sure I think about ‘him’ hope he’s okay, but I don’t want to talk to him still. I don’t want him to know anything about us. I know its only day 2.

I could go on about how he did me wrong and what he’s done to me and not just me but our 8 month old son, but why? That part of my life is over. I am so grateful to my ex for my son, and I will raise him on my own. I feel a new sense of freedom, like I can laugh again and it’s genuine and it’s not forced. I look forward to every day and know I can actually love my life again. It’s truly an amazing feeling.

I was never the type of girl you could knock down, I would usually laugh through the hurt and brush it off the shoulder. But when you believe, I mean truly believe and trust and love – well let’s just say that if it’s with the wrong person or the right person at the wrong time that hurt can knock you to your knees. It can make you feel so winded that you’re grasping for air just to breath. When you want to hang to the good you once had but the hurt is just too much. Take a deep breath, have faith and let go.

I know I will have some bad days still of what he’s missing, of never understanding the lies, and just simply missing him and what we had but I have let go. Every day I don’t contact him or don’t respond to him the more peace I have in my heart. I know its only day 2, but it’s more peace and love that I feel in the last year and a half. It’s a great feeling. It gives me faith again.

I wake up every day and say what I am grateful for and I say thank you for it all every night and all through the day.

I guess it’s true you really have to go through the worst to feel so broken before you get to the best. Thank you for the reminder because for the first time in forever I am just happy. I sit here and think of life and just smile…

Until tomorrow… Kisses Xo

Detox...

30 Day Detox

 

Well I have made it through the first half of day one. I haven’t felt the need to contact ‘him’. I am not going to say it is easy, BUT I am doing it…

Ahhhh I say with a smile. It’s almost like I finally have some peace now ‘he’s’ gone back home. I don’t mean it in a mean way, not even a little.

All I have to say is if you can live in the same town as your son for 6 months and see him at the very most 7 times and leave him without seeing him or saying good bye,

I really don’t have anything to say to him anymore. It isn’t even worth the fight. 

So I am on a 30 day detox and I hope after the 30 days I have no urge to talk with him again, I call it the 30 day detox because the 30 days is always the hardest. I didn’t pick the best tie to do it since Christmas is 18 days away but all I have to remember is he left without a good bye.

Day 1 – a) Zumba man alive I am grateful for a good Zumba work out. I get to look awkwardly sexy and laugh the whole time. Thank you sweet A for watching Baby K for me do this.

b) My kids remind me no matter what is going on in life I am ever so grateful for them. They always make me laugh no matter the mood. Watching each milestone they reach in life is a true blessing.

c) I am so grateful for my struggle, YES my struggle. Maybe somewhere in life I forgot to say thank you for my life and everything I have and maybe some day’s aren’t what we wanted or what we thought it would be, but everything you have is a true blessing and sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things, My struggle is a reminder of all I have.

d) I am grateful that I am sitting here on a Sunday with a glass of wine watching Friday and laughing. A month ago, year ago, 2 weeks ago – well I never thought I would be sitting here laughing, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and what he did to me. Thank you for making me stronger.

e) Most of all today I am grateful that I get to be me. That I don’t have to lie or cheat. I don’t have to mislead people or make people feel bad about themselves. I don’t have to be perfect in fact I am imperfectly beautiful and I am grateful for that.

Every day I am going to blog about the good and bad of this 30 day detox and maybe some other great fun stories because my life is a journey in itself.

Chat tomorrow maybe even tonight… KISSES XO

Do Not React they say...

It's 1:30 in the afternoon and I already have a glass in wine in hand.

This whole what you give the universe is what you get back seems hard most days right now. But I am gonna keep trying. At this very moment I am drinking my wine and telling myself, DO NOT REACT! Ugh the hardest this is not reacting.

It's my job to protect and defend my son. I mean how dare his own father out him in a situation to have girls be gossiping about if his own father loves him or not... GTFOH before I punch you in the mouth. FOR REAL who says that shit?

Talk about me all you want say I am sad he don't love me, LOL say it me, say whatever you want about me, I don't care. I mean really who are you and what do you mean in my life? NOTHING

But hear me Bitch, you need to back the FUCK UP if you wanna come at my baby because I have never had a problem knocking a bitch out! Trust that!

DON'T REACT, DON'T REACT. DO NOT REACT!

Ha, see how well  this is going!

I guess it's better to blog my reaction instead of reacting to him or any of those girls...

Keep hating bitches because I promise you what you give the universe is what you are gonna get back and your attacking a 6 month old cause all you girls are sleeping with the same guy and I am the one girl that don't want to be with him. I am the one girl to not let him treat me like shit and believes the lies and keep allowing it, Keep hating cause I have his baby, its not gonna make me love him less, it just speak volumes about you!

What YOU Give Is What YOU Get

I have had a lot to figure out lately and I have decided that what I give out is what I am getting back. It's take a few arguments to realize this but I am finally here. I finally see happy again!

I could make every post about him and how he did me wrong and how he does our baby wrong and I could write for years about the games his girl friend plays and the lies she tells, but why? Sure probably makes for some great drama but then I am only getting negatives back. And I am not that girl, damn not even a little.

But what's sad is for a bit I lost my self in  the hurt and lies and I kept letting it happen. I slept with him multiple times knowing his girl was pregnant but I didn't care because that is what she did to me. (an example of  you get what you give back to the universe) I reacted to the hurtful things she would say, and I couldn't understand why he lied sooo much and caused so much drama. I know I will never get the honest answer so I decided I no longer want an answer. which brings me back to you get from the universe what you put out to the universe. 

I have never hid who I was, I am proud of who I am and where I come from. My life was anything but easy. Maybe I didn't do things the right way and marry and then have kids but by golly, I love each and everyone of them more then I could explain. (Even on the worst days). I don't have to talk bad about anyone to feel better about myself, cause I am an amazing person. 

If someone else is always trying to put my life down, judge me, anything negative,  that's what they will get back in their life. Maybe they should ask themselves actually I should even ask myself why do I feel such negative energy? Maybe its a reflection of ones self and blaming others for your unhappiness? 

There has to be something truly wrong in your life you are always looking for the bad, putting out negatives in the universe but remember your life will never get better that way its only gonna give you back what you put out there! 

No I am not drunk, well maybe drunk on life again - I am loving it! 

Until next time readers...

Oil and Gas Boys

Some guy in the elevator today told me I was naturally beautiful and he did a double look at me. My face was so red as there was about six other people in the elevator so I asked him if he was drunk. Lol and another guy says and she's funny... 

I think these boys have too many liquid lunches and it's only Tuesday. 

With that said I missed my Special K like crazy. Our first day apart. He's been in my arms ever since I got home and I don't wanna let him go. A momma's love  ❤️💙