Another day down :)

Day 2 … Look at me go!

 

I know, I know it is only 11:40 in the morning but I am pretty proud of myself. Sure I think about ‘him’ hope he’s okay, but I don’t want to talk to him still. I don’t want him to know anything about us. I know its only day 2.

I could go on about how he did me wrong and what he’s done to me and not just me but our 8 month old son, but why? That part of my life is over. I am so grateful to my ex for my son, and I will raise him on my own. I feel a new sense of freedom, like I can laugh again and it’s genuine and it’s not forced. I look forward to every day and know I can actually love my life again. It’s truly an amazing feeling.

I was never the type of girl you could knock down, I would usually laugh through the hurt and brush it off the shoulder. But when you believe, I mean truly believe and trust and love – well let’s just say that if it’s with the wrong person or the right person at the wrong time that hurt can knock you to your knees. It can make you feel so winded that you’re grasping for air just to breath. When you want to hang to the good you once had but the hurt is just too much. Take a deep breath, have faith and let go.

I know I will have some bad days still of what he’s missing, of never understanding the lies, and just simply missing him and what we had but I have let go. Every day I don’t contact him or don’t respond to him the more peace I have in my heart. I know its only day 2, but it’s more peace and love that I feel in the last year and a half. It’s a great feeling. It gives me faith again.

I wake up every day and say what I am grateful for and I say thank you for it all every night and all through the day.

I guess it’s true you really have to go through the worst to feel so broken before you get to the best. Thank you for the reminder because for the first time in forever I am just happy. I sit here and think of life and just smile…

Until tomorrow… Kisses Xo

Detox...

30 Day Detox

 

Well I have made it through the first half of day one. I haven’t felt the need to contact ‘him’. I am not going to say it is easy, BUT I am doing it…

Ahhhh I say with a smile. It’s almost like I finally have some peace now ‘he’s’ gone back home. I don’t mean it in a mean way, not even a little.

All I have to say is if you can live in the same town as your son for 6 months and see him at the very most 7 times and leave him without seeing him or saying good bye,

I really don’t have anything to say to him anymore. It isn’t even worth the fight. 

So I am on a 30 day detox and I hope after the 30 days I have no urge to talk with him again, I call it the 30 day detox because the 30 days is always the hardest. I didn’t pick the best tie to do it since Christmas is 18 days away but all I have to remember is he left without a good bye.

Day 1 – a) Zumba man alive I am grateful for a good Zumba work out. I get to look awkwardly sexy and laugh the whole time. Thank you sweet A for watching Baby K for me do this.

b) My kids remind me no matter what is going on in life I am ever so grateful for them. They always make me laugh no matter the mood. Watching each milestone they reach in life is a true blessing.

c) I am so grateful for my struggle, YES my struggle. Maybe somewhere in life I forgot to say thank you for my life and everything I have and maybe some day’s aren’t what we wanted or what we thought it would be, but everything you have is a true blessing and sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things, My struggle is a reminder of all I have.

d) I am grateful that I am sitting here on a Sunday with a glass of wine watching Friday and laughing. A month ago, year ago, 2 weeks ago – well I never thought I would be sitting here laughing, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself and what he did to me. Thank you for making me stronger.

e) Most of all today I am grateful that I get to be me. That I don’t have to lie or cheat. I don’t have to mislead people or make people feel bad about themselves. I don’t have to be perfect in fact I am imperfectly beautiful and I am grateful for that.

Every day I am going to blog about the good and bad of this 30 day detox and maybe some other great fun stories because my life is a journey in itself.

Chat tomorrow maybe even tonight… KISSES XO